The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

Mahatma Gandhi

 Aren’t we all just trying to find ourselves? We throw our entire being into the system laid out in front of us. Nursery, middle school, high school, university a good job, marriage, a family. Some of you may get lucky along the way and find yourself early on in life, others may still be swimming in the deep end on a dark, cold night wondering what direction to go.

 Let me tell you one of the easiest ways to do that is by helping and serving others, animals and plants included, of course.

 In an article by Jenny Santi titled, The Secret to Happiness is Helping others. Santi explores the concept of ‘serving others’ which has been found in centuries worth of literature and doctrines around the world. Santi goes on to say;

“There is a Chinese saying that goes: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” For centuries, the greatest thinkers have suggested the same thing: Happiness is found in helping others”

 For it is in giving that we receive — Saint Francis of Assisi

The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity — Leo Tolstoy

We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give — Winston Churchill

Making money is happiness; making other people happy is a super happiness — Nobel Peace Prize recipient Muhammad Yunus

Giving back is as good for you as it is for those you are helping because giving gives you purpose. When you have a purpose-driven life, you’re a happier person — Goldie Hawn” ( Santi, Times, 2021) 

On top of that so many different studies and scientific research support the notion that it is in serving others that we feel complete, that is the simple secret to happiness. But remember to give yourself a lot of love and help on the way too.

Luck and misfortune are closely intertwined.

– Thomas Muller

Bad things will happen and many of us may call it ‘bad luck, fate or destiny. Whatever it is I hope you find the courage to make the most of your bad luck, to turn your pain and trauma into art, and to turn all your defeats into one loud victory.  

In 2017  Chief Justice John Roberts gave an unconventional commencement speech at his son’s ninth-grade graduation and some of his words were “ I wish you bad luck”.  I remember a lot of speeches, but none stuck quite like this one.

 It’s naïve to think we will live a scratch-free life with no scrapes on our knees. That all doors will open for us if we “work” hard enough or “try” hard enough. I remember how excited I was when I graduated thinking I could accomplish anything with the right “mindset”

 Oh, was I wrong, I don’t think anyone prepared me for the circus I had to encounter upon graduating or growing up. In a way, this is what life is a circus, a spectacle and the trick is to find a way to laugh, learn and grow from it.

 I leave you with my favorite part of Chief Justice Johns Roberts Speech:

“Now the commencement speakers will typically also wish you good luck and extend good wishes to you. I will not do that, and I’ll tell you why. From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice. I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty. Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted. I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either. And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then, your opponent will gloat over your failure. It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship. I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion. Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.”

 So, see the messages in your misfortunes.

You can read the full speech here.

 “You once told me you wanted to find yourself in the world, and I told you to first apply within, to discover the world within you. You once told me you wanted to save the world from all its wars, and I told you to first save yourself from the world, and all the wars you put yourself through”

 APPLY WITHIN by Suzy Kassem

I don’t know about you but I want to be in the business of saving the world and I am sure many people do. We want to live a free, happy life and we want to pave way for the future generations to enjoy these simple liberties. But, did you know there was such a thing as ‘compassion exhaustion’?

Yes you can get tired from caring too much and according to Goodtherapy.org – compassion fatigue is characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion and is a form of secondary traumatic stress! AKA ‘ the cost of caring’. 

Stress.org refers to compassion fatigue as the following “ Also called “vicarious traumatization” or secondary traumatization (Figley, 1995). The emotional residue or strain of exposure to working with those suffering from the consequences of traumatic events. It differs from burn-out, but can co-exist. Compassion Fatigue can occur due to exposure on one case or can be due to a “cumulative” level of trauma” 

That is why it is super important to take care of yourself first before trying to help others and to be aware about compassion fatigue. As Suzy Kassem says, ” You once told me you wanted to save the world from all its wars- and I told you to first save yourself from the world, and all the wars you put yourself through”. 

Many of us deal with ourselves differently but first thing is first, BE GENTLE with yourself. You deserve the same love, respect and compassion you give the people you love and care for, and you always deserve to forgive yourself for either being too little or too much. 

Goodtherapy.org gives a couple of tips on how to avoid burn out from compassion fatigue and these include eating a balanced, nutritious diet – so think Whole Foods, plant based goodness my rule of thumb is if it comes from the earth then it’s probably good for you! Secondly, regular exercise if you are not a fan of hitting the gym just walk it ( or dance it out!), make sure you are getting in good quality sleep and honor yourself and your emotional needs. 

And remember, if you want to talk just reach out to us via web or drop us a comment below! 

“Stop treating your pain like it’s something you imagined. If you see the wound is real, then you can heal it.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom 

The Speak Trauma team took part in the ‘ Fierce Awakened Woman Global Online Conference’ created and hosted by Jenn Baljko.  

One of the most important topics we touched upon is acknowledging your pain. Like Bardugo wrote, ‘ If you see the wound is real, then you can heal it’. Only by healing ourselves will we have the capacity to heal each other, there is a saying by Thich Nhat Hanh that I can never forget. 

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”

 Reading this makes me think of all the suffering around the world, the crises, the wars, the trauma people cause others and it seems to be attributed to the concept that they do so, because they are suffering within themselves. 

At Speak Trauma, we understand that trauma can be a cultural phenomenon that is intergenerational. Speak trauma also conducts research examining the repercussions of trauma on individuals, families, and collectives.

What I think, is the entire world is weeping and in need of help. We need to help each other, be kinder to each other and on the way document everything. Why? Because it will be proof that others feel the same and that change can happen because through speaking out we can begin the healing and put an end to the violence and suffering around the world. Or at least we can try by starting close to home… 

You can hear our conversation here 🙂

 “You once told me you wanted to find yourself in the world, and I told you to first apply within, to discover the world within you. You once told me you wanted to save the world from all its wars, and I told you to first save yourself from the world, and all the wars you put yourself through”

 APPLY WITHIN by Suzy Kassem

I don’t know about you but I want to be in the business of saving the world and I am sure many people do. We want to live a free, happy life and we want to pave way for the future generations to enjoy these simple liberties. But, did you know there was such a thing as ‘compassion exhaustion’?

Yes you can get tired from caring too much and according to Goodtherapy.org – compassion fatigue is characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion and is a form of secondary traumatic stress! AKA ‘ the cost of caring’. 

Stress.org refers to compassion fatigue as the following “ Also called “vicarious traumatization” or secondary traumatization (Figley, 1995). The emotional residue or strain of exposure to working with those suffering from the consequences of traumatic events. It differs from burn-out, but can co-exist. Compassion Fatigue can occur due to exposure on one case or can be due to a “cumulative” level of trauma” 

That is why it is super important to take care of yourself first before trying to help others and to be aware about compassion fatigue. As Suzy Kassem says, ” You once told me you wanted to save the world from all its wars- and I told you to first save yourself from the world, and all the wars you put yourself through”. 

Many of us deal with ourselves differently but first thing is first, BE GENTLE with yourself. You deserve the same love, respect and compassion you give the people you love and care for, and you always deserve to forgive yourself for either being too little or too much. 

Goodtherapy.org gives a couple of tips on how to avoid burn out from compassion fatigue and these include eating a balanced, nutritious diet – so think Whole Foods, plant based goodness my rule of thumb is if it comes from the earth then it’s probably good for you! Secondly, regular exercise if you are not a fan of hitting the gym just walk it ( or dance it out!), make sure you are getting in good quality sleep and honor yourself and your emotional needs. 

And remember, if you want to talk just reach out to us via web or drop us a comment below!